Flashback: June 15, 2000

there are pale aphorisms in one's mind
woven in parallel narratives of one's identity
such as `non serviam'
and today i am speaking as a disillusioned
post-anarchist, neo-idealist, post-marxist
post-modernist and neo-critical agent
who is lost among all the jargon
and centuries old debates of
just versus unjust
right versus wrong
true versus false
beautiful versus ugly.
i wish i had a moral firm ground
on which i could claim what i believe
in my fullest knowledge and best intentions
is just, right, true and beautiful.
but i don't know much and often
i don't act on my best intentions.
in my usual imperfection
what i have believed to be
just, right, true and beautiful,
a glimpse of what ought to be,
may equally become
unjust, wrong, false and ugly,
burdens of a troubled past to be
dismantled, reconstructed and justified.
in an age where
thought is reduced to a function,
language to a game and
reason to an all purpose justification agent
conditioned by genes, culture and economics
nothing i have said or done has any
chance of being
significant, relevant or legitimate
for all the prophets of my age
can't be anything but
cynical and disillusioned.
i am, like thousands before me,
one of those who are about to die of
shortage of breath in the ocean of
insignificance.

scratch and ye shall find a disappointed
idealist under every pessimistic critic.