Thursday, June 5, 2008

break a sheath
break it over your skin
to share between us
as i gasp
desperate
yearning for something
anything

an unhappy and angry ghost
scornfully whispers
"what you need is what you are
what you want is who you are"
only half-joking with a smug smile

i have no hart to tell him
to fornicate with himself
for i know i get angry
only when i am told a truth
i do not like

so, we arrive here: an impasse
and i hear from far away
a lovely yet a very sad song
about loving a broken woman
in a broken bed

i will start humming
as soon as i forget what i am

Thursday, May 29, 2008

i can't write what i need to write
in fear of repeating myself

history
they say
is a cycle repeating itself
over and over again
including my own

my
internal
peace
is
a
never
ending
quest
perhaps
more
dubious than
a pot of gold at the
end of a rainbow

this one however
is guarded by my inner daemons

and better yet
in this particular dream
"there is no place like home"
takes you to a whorehouse
in ankara

as a last resort
somebody screams

"i
am a
rat in
a cage
and
i
am
not
fond
of
spinning
cycles"

fall curtain
roll credits
the end

Flashback: July 4, 2001

look! it is the colors of sadness
dripping lusciously over my fingers
you so fearfully desire

and i remember you stealing a line
from a song you've heard saying
'happiness has an end
but sadness is endless'

a dark shadow passes over your eyes
a deploring look
with a most electrifying touch
over your shoulders, drops on the
floor so very effortlessly that
even my tired affectionless decorum
shatters into pieces
right there

don't speak of love but obsession
not of caring but needing
i'd desperately want to say
trying to catch that look

no, no you say
making our time growing slower
as you utter each 'no'
no. no.. no...
i feel each street-light pierces
the darkness through my skin
cars go by
people shout
and each 'no' hammers a feeling
of a desperate loss

as i join the ranks of poets fallen
for lost causes
my lips start humming hymns
with my fingers still wet from
your endless sadness

Sunday, April 27, 2008

whatever happened in the
dead hours of the day
propagates itself to the unforeseen future
persistently

an impenetrable wall of despondence
hangs in the air
clearly mocking the unreasonable
optimism of human nature
if such a thing exists

a deliberate winter of the mind sets in
not with discontent
but with glee

Thursday, April 17, 2008

i was not comfortable with who i was

then came an exodus of the self
not knowing what i sought
lost

a decade
two continents
several broken love stories
and numerous cities later
not much has changed

i still am not much comfortable with
who i am

somehow
my cat disagrees with me profusely
purring up a storm

and i slip into a deep
dreamless sleep
being content with
still not knowing what i seek
not caring for being comfortable with
who i am

i suppose
one dies like this
piecemeal
one sleep at a time

Flashback: December 28, 1998

it is another day with
a wrong script have
i given in to
a wrong syntactic tactic:
a deliciously self-conscious
parodic exercise
in theoretical, discursive
meta-language with all its
shallowness.
otherwise
i would have said
`i love you madly'
if no-one ever said it
if no-one ever said that it was said
if no-one ever said that it was said was said
ad infinitum...
and all i needed was someone
who would smile devilishly
when i said
`i love you madly'
realizing it was said
and even the fact that
it was said was said
yet would smile even more
to let me know she knew
that it was said
and even the fact that
it was said was said
and would quote another line
from these cheesy romance novels
to keep the ball rolling...

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I have been to the
geographical center of my soul

its streets twist and turn
just like any good story should
just wide enough for one or two
narrative at a time
jam packed with history:
the personal kind
under every cobble stone

come to think of it
every history is personal isn't?

worst place to be if
one has spent a whole lifetime
to get away from oneself

kinda futile
one might say